Nodating ru

I’ve found that often in unhealthy relationships, when people are dealing with something that they know is inappropriate or even dangerous for their relationship, they increase their level of trust. This is a bit like being robbed by someone who breaks and enters via the back door and then deciding to leave the front door wide open for them in the hope that next time they think “Ah. I’ll reward their ‘obvious’ trust in me by not robbing them.” If you’ve ever ramped up your efforts once major problems have been revealed, it’s exactly what you’re doing. I’m going to invest in you in spite of the fact that I should be slamming my finger on the eject button because I really want to be loved, especially if it’s against the odds.It’s like thinking “OK I know I’ve just found out that you’re only up for sex / physically menacing / are shagging someone else / have cheated on me / are married / claim you don’t want a relationship and yada yada yada, but you know what? Someone else might think ‘Shag this for a game of soldiers! I reckon, if I show you how good, kind, generous and loving a person I am by trusting and having faith in you in spite of your problems, you’ll love me. If you’ve ever taken someone back after a breakup or stayed after a betrayal, there’s a distinct possibility that you still think that the other person is ‘earning’ your trust even though you’ve ‘given them another chance’.His blowing hot and cold is about managing down your expectations of him and the relationship, but it is also about bringing the relationship back to FIVE – The Status Quo.Now, we all know that we want a relationship that is a ten (or as close as possible) so much of our relationships are about getting him to change or revert back to the wonderful guy he was in the beginning, because if he does, we believe that we will get close to magic number ten. At the beginning, Mr Unavailable blows hot to reel you in.When we keep plugging away, it’s because it would be ‘better’ for them to prove our trust investment right than for us to admit we’ve made a mistake.The ability to trust yourself and trust others actually comes from having your eyes and ears open and processing feedback.However in making the decision to take them back or to ‘work at things’, even though you may be saying you don’t trust them ‘yet’ or that they’ve ‘got a long way to go before they earn their way back into your good books’, in resolving to be together, you have trusted.Even if you think you haven’t trusted, particularly when you take them back after shady behaviour on their part that they 1) haven’t felt and expressed genuine remorse and apologised for, 2) are in denial about, 3) don’t fully understand what the issues were that broke your relationship, you continuing to be with them is an offer of trust. There’s also an implicit understanding that’s often not understood by them – If you get involved and then, for example, discover that they’re addicted to drugs and not addressing it, or are married/attached, these two issues are a no-go for a relationship and should be sending alarm bells and have you backing away.