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Despite one pervasive misconception that transgender people transition for the approval or acceptance of future sexual partners, when I transitioned there was nothing about the forthcoming experience that assured me I would be seen as desirable. But when you’re trans, it’s hard in a completely different way.

I didn’t know if I’d ever have the chance to be loved. It’s all too easy to internalize the assumptions that we are rudimentary facsimiles of the people we actually want to be, or that we take on a lifestyle that’s all about mutilating our “God-given, natural” bodies.

"You aren't a lesbian," he says in between slurps of his noodles.

He shakes his head, sloppily scooping Vietnamese noodles into his mouth. He has seen the men I have cycled through over the years, the brutish painter, the boxing steelworker, countless football jocks and rednecks and martial artists, culminating with a civilized eight-year marriage to a onetime Australian rugby player that produced two daughters and one of the more amicable divorces on record.

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When I moved to a new town in Pennsylvania just over a year ago, I had no idea of what an enormous effect the change would have on my life.

I found myself staring, leaning in like he was an insect on the sidewalk. He did look like Dev Patel, but I was so consumed, everything I saw looked like him.

I vowed as I left his place in the middle of the night that I would never put myself in that dangerous of a situation again.

And even though I now make sure people know my identity before I’m alone with a potential partner, there are still some aspects of this interaction that seem to show up in my dating life no matter how many precautions I take.

I always respected her as a person, but I was definitely worried about what other people would say or think about us together.

I knew our relationship would turn the heads of my loved ones, but over time I learned to adopt Ty’s nonchalance to other people’s negativity and critical perception of my life choices.